Douchebag Boyfriends

I was chatting with my significant other earlier tonight and I realized once again why guys get a bad wrap: a lot of the players on our team are total douchebags. If a guy is not an alcoholic wife beater, he is the guy that puts his friends over his girlfriend all the time or mentally violates her with demeaning, belittling words. It makes you not want to be a guy (if you are a guy, that is). Call me gay for it but, really, I don’t think it’s fair to be born into a species of animal that has more natural predators than even the lowest fishies on the food chain. One guy messes up and all of guydom suffers!

If you actually keep up with my crappy, long-winded writing, I touched upon some of this in my post regarding rationed affection. I fid it deplorable that there are guys that play these mental games just to see how far they can go or at least cripple the girl so that she won’t go anywhere (or so they think). Last night, as I was spending time with my girlfriend, finally taking a break from our busy lives to have some of that magical “quality time” together, a wonderful night was almost ruined after some disgusting news brought the house down. She told me of her best friend and how her fiance treats her like crap. Already, there was a sense of ominous foreboding creeping up my spine. I knew that this could easily turn into a discussion about my recent shortcomings because I am a man so I am guilty by association (you may think this is ridiculous but it’s true that people do think like this, putting people in simplistic little boxes and sticking a label on them).

Continue reading

Rationed Affection: How to Be Mean and Loved

Ever hear this silly notion that nice guys always finish last. Well, it’s somewhat true, unfortunately. The weird thing about the way society, especially in the United States, seems to condition folks is that people doubt anything that seems “too good”. We live in a culture of fear where anything that doesn’t seem believable has to be questioned and maybe even opposed. In just about any human relationship, this matter of managing expectations once again comes into play.

Do you go in guns blazing or test the waters first? How much effort do you put forth before you expect a reward? Consider this approach: undersell and overdeliver.

Managing expectations is all about setting a reasonable bar for yourself. From day one, you want to make a good enough impression that you will keep the door of communication open but you don’t want to overstate any of your actions or intentions. Failure to do so may make you the subject of scrutiny. Really, you have to keep some tricks up your sleeves (I’ll repeat this, BTW), be spontaneous, and avoid laying things on thick. I know there are already some people out there thinking to themselves that such an approach to relationships, especially those between two people that want to spend the rest of their lives together, is ingenuine.

I’m all for the authenticity movement but, unfortunately, it will likely make some of us rather lonely.

Truth be told, lies are welcome when they are the kind that downplay things that, in themselves, are great but, collectively and to the superlative degree, can be overwhelming, scary, and cause for alarm or doubt.

I know the few nice guys out there, the ones that genuinely care about their life partners, see these jerkwad guys with great women and wonder how they ended up with them. The women are treated like crap, often regarded as mere personal property and not people with emotions, and they stick with the men that do the dirty deeds. I want to avoid generalizations and stereotypes as much as possible but I see this very reality all too often: the man abuses the woman or just under-appreciates her but then he has little isolated moments of awesomeness and all is forgiven. It is cliche, sad, and true.

I know I ate your favorite cat.. But.. Here are some flowers and chocolate!

Continue reading