I was chatting with my significant other earlier tonight and I realized once again why guys get a bad wrap: a lot of the players on our team are total douchebags. If a guy is not an alcoholic wife beater, he is the guy that puts his friends over his girlfriend all the time or mentally violates her with demeaning, belittling words. It makes you not want to be a guy (if you are a guy, that is). Call me gay for it but, really, I don’t think it’s fair to be born into a species of animal that has more natural predators than even the lowest fishies on the food chain. One guy messes up and all of guydom suffers!
If you actually keep up with my crappy, long-winded writing, I touched upon some of this in my post regarding rationed affection. I fid it deplorable that there are guys that play these mental games just to see how far they can go or at least cripple the girl so that she won’t go anywhere (or so they think). Last night, as I was spending time with my girlfriend, finally taking a break from our busy lives to have some of that magical “quality time” together, a wonderful night was almost ruined after some disgusting news brought the house down. She told me of her best friend and how her fiance treats her like crap. Already, there was a sense of ominous foreboding creeping up my spine. I knew that this could easily turn into a discussion about my recent shortcomings because I am a man so I am guilty by association (you may think this is ridiculous but it’s true that people do think like this, putting people in simplistic little boxes and sticking a label on them).
The real fun started when she told me what exactly happened. It turns out that her best friend’s wonderful fiance decided that a good way to get some personal space would be to pour some beer on his girlfriend’s chest – while she was fully-clothed, no less! If you already think this is a bit extreme, it gets better: he did this simply because his girlfriend wanted to spend some time together. As the story goes, said girl went to her boyfriend, snuggled up a bit, and did those little things that guys in their right mind can’t resist. She then said “you’ve been ignoring me lately, let’s spend some time together” (I am paraphrasing, of course) and his reaction was both explicitly and implicitly stating “fuck off”.
I find this sort of thing disturbing. Here we are, human persons in need of some sort of companionship because that is simply how we are built, and our priorities are often the same. We all want someone that will be honest with us yet lie to us and know when to do so. This moment of honesty for my significant other’s best friend was perfect because it’s so tough nursing a good relationship when the everyday stuff gets us too distracted. Heck, how many relationships would be saved if people just stopped to talk and think about what could be done better? Look at our nation’s divorce rate. People in the US are getting divorced or separated more often than there are folks getting married. That’s pretty scary stuff.
To have a sweet, nurturing, and attractive person, someone that completes you, tell you that all they want is a little of your time is like winning the lottery and ignoring that is, well, leaving a great prize to go to waste. Somehow, people do this all the time and I can see why the topic of many woman-to-woman conversations is often regarding douchebag boyfriends. Heck, I can also see why, these days, every other woman is claiming to be bi and, often, stating they are more interested in female companionship. I can’t blame them!
All I know is that I adore my girlfriend because, as messed up as our relationship can be, one thing we do is put things out on the table and keep them from festering. Even the littlest of issues can culminate, gain critical mass, and cause huge ripples on otherwise peaceful waters. The snowball effect is real and it messes up real good relationships all the time. When the communication lines are not open, misunderstandings and insecurities are inevitable, no matter how confident you are in your relationship.
I really feel for my sweetheart’s best friend cause she really is a great gal and she reminds me of every good woman I’ve had in my life that has been hurt badly for no good reason. After these sorts of events, guys try to use band-aid fixes and thus cheapen otherwise sweet and thoughtful gestures but what really needs to take place is constant nurturing of the mutual bond that exists. Most people I know just drop hints and use signals but those things can be mis-read. Here you have a gal that is making the issue known and as clear as day yet her boyfriend pulls a classic dee-dee-dee move.
As I talked to my girlfriend about this situation, I thought about one of my own friends who just recently found out she is pregnant by the guy she finally had the courage to leave once and for all. Here’s a real winner: he doesn’t work, he doesn’t pursue any dreams, and he pretty much stays home all day and does nothing but consume food, sleep, and play video games. Meanwhile, his girlfriend goes out, runs errands, cleans the house, works, and pretty much tends to him as if she was his servant, all because she loves him and feels bad for him cause he is “not well”. Yeah, I don’t care how sick you are. If you have someone tend to your every needs, the least you can do is say a simple “thank you” every now and then.
This dude’s appreciation was expressed by taking her favorite video game and smashing it, all because he felt he should get some attention when he felt the time was appropriate. Keep in mind that, prior to that, his girlfriend was trying to get his attention but he was too busy talking to his homies on XBox Live. Surely, every story has two sides to it, if not more, and the little kicker is that she apparently had cheated on him but she didn’t sleep with the guy or guys in question, it seems; moreover, he had pushed her to resorting to such things because he neglected her.
You’ll have to excuse the metaphor I am about to use but here is my message to the douchebag men out there that make us good guys look bad: a woman is like a flower. Some are rough on the edges and some are soft to the touch but all of them are delicate. They say flowers grow when you simply talk to them and the simple things done every day will keep them happy and blooming. Water your flower; that is, shower her with affection because everyone likes to be appreciated. Sure, some people like their space and that’s when you try to use some common sense but try switching things up and, instead of slapping her ass and asking her to make you a sandwich, try going to the kitchen and fixing up a snack for both of you together, then talking about your day. Cheesy? Perhaps. Life is too short to let the little moments pass you by. You never know when opportunity will knock again.
Lyssa and Chrys, if you happen to read this, keep your heads up. Since these guys obviously do not know what they have going for them, believe me, someone else will come along that will take even a mere fraction of that goodness and adore you for it. Don’t turn into douchebags too just cause you found the rotten apples in the bunch. There are still good ones out there.. Somewhere…